Still in remission

My first remission from Graves' lasted from age 28 until age 41 or so, and I have my hopes up for another long remission. Whenever I feel out of sorts or get heart palpitations, I begin to wonder if the hyperthyroid symptoms are returning, but so far, so good. The last set of labs showed TSH at 1.2 and everything else perfect, too.

And almost 28 months after my thyroid eye disease reappeared, things are much more normal—just a little sweling around the right eye, and a little double vision left in a coupleof peripheral fields. Not sure if this will ever go away (caused by the bellies of the ocular muscles having become swollen, attacked by my own immune system), but I can certainly live with it. I will always have a bit of a bulgy stare, but not severe.

I was worried when I took a job last March as a nurse that the stress of it would make me sick again, but it did not. And I always had blamed the stress and intensity of nursing school for my recurrence, but in truth, having had a baby at age 37 is probably what triggered the relapse. some of the symptoms began when he was still a toddler, and childbirth is a very common trigger. Just some thoughts. Posting a current picture, showing the eyes. My husband says the right one will still sometimes pop open during sleep, but as my ophthalmologist put it, the corneas tend to stay covered during sleep because the eyes naturally roll upward. So, not much chance of corneal ulceration at this point.

That's my update. Best wishes to those of you with Graves' reading this little blog of mine.

Home stretch?

The endocrinologist's nurse called today, saying my thyroid antibodies were negative, my thyroid profile was normal, and I could just stop the PTU and retest in 6 weeks. My eyes are much better than even last fall, although I have a feeling that I will never be free of the mobility problems with my right eye, nor the remainder of the swelling around it. But this is nothing compared to looking pop-eyed or having to use eye drops every 15 minutes.

I vow to get my TSH and FT4 and FT3 tested several times a year, and act if things are higher or lower than the narrow range I've maintained this past year. Amazing how horrible high or low thyroid levels can make a person feel.

Labs tomorrow

I have a lab draw tomorrow after a few months of not checking. Things have been okay, with TSH around 1 and the free T4 and free T3 kind of low, but usually mid-range.

I have learned that when my heart starts to palpitate, it is most likely hypothyroidism coming on, and so I reduce my morning PTU dose, and the palpitations disappear in a few days. This has happened several times, and the most recent time was 2 weeks ago. Now I'm on only 12.5 mg a day—just a little quarter pill. I wonder how my labs will look, and if I can finally ditch the PTU.

My eyes have been fine. Haven't taped my right eye shut in almost a year, nor needed eye drops. The puffiness and double vision remain, although both have decreased. I still have a little right-sided lid retraction, but it no longer makes one eye look much bigger than the other. I'm posting a mug shot to show what I mean.

Since the last post I've joined the working world and the weight is dropping off! (It helps to be too busy to eat) 20 pounds so far, and counting.

Eye and endo appointments this month

The short story is that the ophthalmologist thinks that my eyes are going into the quiescent phase (despite a partial relapse a little over a month ago). The proptosis is 22/22 and probably not going to change much. The double vision and dryness are much better. Eyes still puffy, but not as much. I can live with it.

Twice this fall and winter my heart began to palpitate, so each time I reduced my PTU dosage, and a week later, the palpitations went away. Each time. Now, for the past month, I've taken 25 mg. a day, and my thyroid hormones now look "perfect," according to the endo. TSH is a hair over 1, FT4 is 0.7, and FT3 is 3. I see the endo again in 4 months but recheck labs in 6 weeks, in case things are not truly stable. He encourages me to check any time I feel funny, although my having reduced meds each time turned out to be the right thing to do. I'm hoping this smaller dose realy means that remission is coming up. I did it before for some 12 or 13 years, and would like to again.

"I love thyroid cases!" he said. I looked at him funny and said, "Me too" with a touch of sarcasm. It was such an odd thing to hear from a physician, although I do know what he means. Nurses seem to "love" wound care, for example.

I feel good—much better since I started up exercising whether I felt like it or not. A few pounds came off, although I only know this because my clothes feel better. I am still up about 45 pounds from this time three years ago. Shocking.

One year ago today

One year ago today I got labs back telling me that I probably had Grave's disease. My right eye was puffy, my blood pressure was climbing, I was trembling, hated loud noises, had hot flashes all the time, and so on. A trip to the endocrinologist on Dec. 4 nailed down the diagnosis, and I went on Tapazole, 40 mg. every day. That rapidly sent me in the hypothyroid direction, and while I was no longer shaky, I couldn't think very fast or well. With a med change and dosage adjustment, I hit the hormonal sweet spot in April, but by that time my eyes troubled me, with an uneven appearance, redness and some double vision.

My eyes have been in the plateau phase lately, seldom feeling dry, looking less red, puffy and retracted. But they are still not back to what they had been, and may never be.

A friend of mine who had Graves' 30 years ago still has one eye that will not close quite right . . .

My labs of late have been a little funky, with FT4 levels low, but I'm working on it. Things are not perfect—my fingers hurt, my shins are affected, too—but in general, things are much better than they were one year ago.

Dear Ms. Shrdlu:

Got a letter from the endocrinologist telling me what I already knew about my lab results: they are good and my dose of PTU should remain the same.

I have had two decades' worth of trouble with sex hormones as well, and asked him to draw some labs on those, too. It amounts to very atypical PCOS that doesn't seem to come from insulin resistance, is not helped by metformin and never affected my fertility, anyhow. But it is annoying. I'm pleased to see that while testosterone and androstenedione are elevated, they look a lot better than 10 years ago.

The official boilerplate doctor's response to my shin and painful fingers: "So?"

Posting a new picture, with son, mugging at the camera. As you can see, the eyes are not greatly out of whack. They trouble me much less than last winter and spring, although the puffiness has not gone away and the lid lag varies.

Eye check-up today

Today Dr. P. took a look at my eyes and pronounced them "fairly stable." From my point of view, three things have changed since I saw him last March:

1. The right eyelid is a little more retracted and I consistently tape the eye shut at night.
2. I need to use far fewer vials of artificial tears.
3. I only have isolated days of eye pressure and orbital pain. "Hiccoughs" of pain.
   

Everything else is the same: the swelling, the injection, the double vision while gazing up and to the right, too. My proptosis measures the same as in December: 22 mm. in the left eye and 23 in the right. March's measurement was 22/22, which is within the margin of error with the Hertel instrument.

The ophthalmologist thinks I had this before, in a less severe form, given my history of puffy gritty eyes lasting 3 or 4 months, back in 1993. He also thinks that while this bout is worse, I will not progress to the Marty Feldman stage, will not lose vision and will not need orbital recession surgery. If time does not lower my right eyelid, I may need to see a plastic surgeon about advancing it so I can stop taping it shut at night and stop looking like Bill the dadburned Cat, but that will take another 24 months or so, to make sure that my eyes are done.

Visual field testing was fine, although staring at that white, featureless background was kind of psychedelic after a while. I started seeing great waves of rose color in my left eye, which messed up my perception of some of the dimmer flashes of light. So the test said "Marginal" rather than "Within normal limits," as it had for the other eye. But it also said, "Low test reliability." Eye presure is good, optic nerves look good, etc., etc.

So the relative stability of signs and symptoms uggest that I am in what they call the plateau phase of GO right now. It's a time during which symptoms ease up a bit or at least don't get worse, with some blips of activity. Up next is a resolution phase, in which symptoms go away or improve a bit.

Your numbers are good, ergo you also feel good

Had my quarterly visit to the endo again, with mixed results. Labs look okay, if a hair lower than optimal, with TSH climbing slowly. That much is good, and I would like the FT3 and FT4 to be a few tenths higher, so I felt a bit better.

The bad part is that I may be showing signs of pretibial myxedema (the swollen shins—luckily no red discoloration so far), and my distal finger joints still hurt, and more of them. I think it's thyroid-related because the pain disappeared when I was crawling toward hypothyroidism. "Could be the beginnings of acropachy," the endo said. Acropachy is the clubbed fingers that only a fraction of a percentage of Graves' patients get. So far they look okay, but they hurt.

Can't say I'm happy to be drawing the short straw and showing moderate eye disease and the shins and fingers stuff. Why couldn't this course be mild, as it was the first time around, in 1993? (and Dr. Endo agrees that I most likely had GO back then, even though I had no signs of thyrotoxicosis)

I mentioned the labile moods and impatience to the endo and he knows nothing about the long-term mental and emotional sequelae of Graves'. I'm supposed to be sweetness and light now that the thyroid has been drugged into submission. I'd send him a few abstracts on the long-term emotional impacts of Graves' from NIH . . . if I thought he'd have time to read them.

All in all I came away with the impression that an endo is good for controlling the thyroid, but nearly useless for the autoimmune and psych manifestations. Have to be my own advocate, I guess. Well, that's nothing new.

Labs, with July in bold:

TSH went from below 0.05 -> 0.17 -> 3.81 -> 3.28 -> 1.87 -> 0.47 -> 0.89

Free T4 went from 1.3 -> 0.7 -> 0.6 -> 0.7 -> 0.8 -> 0.8 -> 0.8

Free T3 went from 5.2 to 2.5 -> 2.4 -> 2.8 -> 3.0 -> 3.2 -> 2.6

Presbyopia? Already?

I went for an exam today to see about new eyeglasses. My eyes are darn near perfect except for some astigmatism that makes vertical lines appear double, so I don't wear the glasses except to read road signs. Now today they've found that I need a little help with distance, and ugh—bifocals.

Well, just the bare beginnings of bifocals—so I deferred. Let my reading vision get worse before I go for bifocals.

Now I am wondering if the congestive changes of Graves' may have affected my distance vision.

And both the assistant and the optometrist noted that I have that Graves' stare. :-(

May eyeopener

Greetings from the month of May. This is the first month I have not had labs drawn, and unless I become very symptomatic, I will not have them drawn until mid-July.

As you can see by the photo at left, my right eye still has a startled appearance. It's not too bothersome aside from having to scrape tape adhesive off my eyelid and cheek in the morning. I am worried that the lid retraction and puffiness will not resolve on their own. They might, they might not. It might take minor surgery to get the lid to close more on its own.

This marks the seventh month of active eye disease. the eyes will be fine for weeks or even improved, and then I'll have a day of swelling and eye pain and afterward will have reached a new level of lid retraction. I wonder if the overmedication with ATDs and low FT3 and FT4 are responsible for the exacerbations.

Other symptoms are the occasional heart palpitation and some weird twitches, mostly of the right eye and lips. I have more patience than I did (which is not saying much, for those who know me), and no more bouts of "Graves' rage"—the hormone-fueled disinhibition that makes Graves' patients difficult to live with.

And hair—it's still falling out, though not quite by the handful. A fine fuzz is growing in, too. I'm off beta blockers entirely, now, so if they had any effect on hair loss, that should have passed by now. Here's to regaining my former crown of glory.

I also have the chance to rest and de-stress for a time, since I've completed nursing school. Now to take the boards, relax a while, and then go off to the salt mines.

Tired of this

For the past two days, I've been looking half surprised. The lid retraction is worse. My eyes don't feel or function any worse—the lid is just a little tighter. Feels as if it has a little sling holding it up.

The eye symptoms wax and wane, and now the wax is max.

Currently waiting to hear labs from my endo's office. Haven't tried to call, since I have been busy. It'll be interesting to see if I am still tending toward the hypothyroid side. I feel better than two months ago, so I'm hoping for a TSH between 1 and 2, and FT4 and FT3 values in mid range. That would be nice.

My heart is palpitating a lot more, and the propranolol prescription will run out soon. Might be time to taper off completely, and quit cheating with caffeine, too.

Eye exercises

That's me, doing my eye exercises.

Okay, not really. I made that about 8 years ago, just having fun with Image Ready. But doing eye exercises is something for Graves' ophthalmopathy suffers to ask their doctors about. It can extend the range of motion of eye muscles and some claim it speeds recovery—putting eyes through full range of motion in all the cardinal gazes. The drawback (and this is why you need to ask your doctor) is that looking up can increase intraocular pressure in Graves' ophthalmopathy patients. Any glaucoma suffer can attest to why this is not a Good Thing.

Why consider doing exercises? Because recovery from having double vision (diplopia) is not a sure thing.

Visit to the eye doctor, labs

Here's the current state of my "thyroid stare." The lid retraction doesn't show, although I have taken to taping the eye shut at night.

I just visited the ophthalmologist today, and he said things are fair to middling: corneas not too dry, proptosis steady at 22 mm. for each eye, intraocular pressure "okay,"double vision no worse than before, and most importantly, vision and optic nerves good. I asked him about seeing slightly less red in one eye. He said that it should not be concerning unless it is a definite bleaching out of the color red in the central--not peripheral--vision field. I don't think the difference is striking enough to pursue, since I am not sure if it is new or something I always had.

I go back in June for a check, with visual field testing, as I had last time. The doctor hopes that by October my disease will have burnt itself out and the swelling will have subsided. He holds out little hope for resolution of the proptosis (eye bulge) but nobody thinks my eyes look any bulgier than they always were, so no big deal. I hate the swelling the most, since it makes me look old and tired.

I keep forgetting to tell him and my endocrinologist about my theory of having had euthyroid GO in 1993-94. Doubt it matters.

I am cutting back on PTU and hoping for the best, since even 10 mg of Tapazole had me on the verge of hypothyroidism--my free T3 and free T4 had been on the threshold of going under normal limits. Who knows where they are now, after the med holiday and switch. Labs drwan tomorrow, and maybe I can pry the values out of the endo's nurse this week.

Scleral injection

Here you see my swollen eye and in the corner a good example of "scleral injection," which is a fancy way of saying bloodshot eyes. There is a tangle of veins and a beefy red patch where the affected eye muscle inserts.

Eyes are the same as ever, and a little worse, since I ate a lot of nori this weekend, which contains a lot of iodine. Oh well.

I keep telling myself I can concentrate on really getting well once nursing school is over.

Sleepless eye

Here's a photo of my pumpkin and me. His eyes are just fine (and a nice chocolate color to boot). My right eye is as swollen as ever. My husband noticed me sleeping with it open for the first time last night, as I sat there zonked out on the davenport (it's clinical time in nursing school, so I get very little sleep midweek). He could see the pupil, he said.

I have noticed that if I don't put the Lacrilube goo in before bed, the eye bothers me more the next day, but so far, Lacrilube without taping seems to do the trick.

I won't tape the eye shut unless the Lacrilube stops working. The idea of taping my damn eyelid shut just takes the cake. Won't do it unless I have to.

Labs, February 2008

Am off Tapazole for a week until a scheduled appointment with the endocrinologist. As of last Monday, though, my labs—liver, blood count and thyroid—were all normal. TSH is now up to 3.1. Free T4 is 0.6. Free T3 is 2.4—so everything is low-normal. The mouth sores resolved, too.

The fly in the ointment is a slightly worsening eye. Still hoping to avoid extensive double vision. I find myself swiveling my head more to look at things above my head and to the sides. Happily, I can look down and to the left without any problem.

Another eye image

Here's a quick cam shot showing how the right eye stays open more when looking down. I hadn't realized quite how apparent it must be to others, although I realize that my appearance is not as shocking as that of some Graves' sufferers. Not shocking at all, in fact; I just look a little more haggard than usual. Still, I don't like it.

On the other hand, an acquaintance told me the other day that she has been diagnosed with a pituitary tumor that gives her an intractable migraine. No matter what she does, she rates her pain as constant and moderate. And she goes to school, works and raises several children, one of them quite ill.

So, then, you may offer me a little cheese to go with my whine.

Antibodies, paternalism, and feeling good again

Call me a control freak (you wouldn't be far off), but I want to know my damn labs! They were taken a week ago and I have heard nothing. Nothing. Last time, it took 2 weeks and a dictated letter from the endocrinologist. That's nice that he wants to put his spin on things, but I know how to interpret my own labs, thank you. I will have to ask to be copied next time.

And yes, I called my clinic after hours and tried to wheedle the values out of the RN on call, but she would not do it.

On the other hand, after months of poopiness, I have felt like a million bucks for the past two days. Amazing! I can concentrate on a task for more than a few seconds again! And yet another reason why I want to know my labs—I don't want to plunge into hypothyroidism—for one thing, it can make the eyes worse. The last semester of nursing classes start next week, too, and I need to be on my game for that.

I see the endo in a few weeks and will ask him to humor me and just have the raw labs made available to me.

Then there are antibodies. Just browsing this weekend I was reminded that people who lack TPO (the peroxidase antibodies) but have high levels of TSH stimulating antibodies (me, that is) have a higher than usual instance of eye problems. I need to find ways to lower the antibodies a.s.a.p. Diet and stress reduction seem a good place to start.

Almost done with the prednisone. It does not seem to help lid puffiness, nor does it decrease the diplopia, but it does curb the aching eyes.

Lipstick excellent Graves' antidote

Like the famous Graves' ophthalmopathy sufferer at left, I find that grooming makes up a little bit for the loss in pulchritude. I don't know what Babs uses, but I like Revlon's "cherries in the snow," myself.

I also did something I swore I would never do: got hair highlights. Pregnancy made my hair all one color and I have missed the highlights, but swore I would never hit the dye bottle. Now all that is out the window, and I have all these nice caramel streaks.

What next? I read someplace that Graves' patients do well except for two things: car accidents and divorces. (Note to self: practice having patience with everyone, and do a better job with your son than Babs did with hers.)

Waiting

Here's a new photo of the eyes, just to show the mild lid lag when looking down. Sorry about displaying the nose hairs, but I guess all God's children got them.

The uneven closing, which started a week or so after the swelling, was what really bothered me. I associate noticing it with working a shift on the med-surge floor where I had nursing clinicals. Every time I looked down to write on my clipboard, the left lid seemed to sag shut, when in reality it was the right not closing as easily.

My eyes are hurting me worse, feeling sandy; I just bought another $36 worth of eyedrops since I blew through what I have. Tears Naturale and Liquigel work fine for the day, with a healthy squirt of LacriLube in at least the right eye at night. It does not always stay shut. LacriLube is a tube of petroleum jelly with mineral oil, and tends to have moisturized the face by morning. My husband sort of likes the sheen, for what that is worth.

The prednisone makes me feel sick, full and totally unwilling to eat anything. Can't wait till that's done.

Had a lab draw yesterday. I don't expect to be euthyroid yet, based on my crazy heart, which periodically rattles its cage with erratic beats.